Why Canada is No Longer Allowed to Own Australia
by SamuraiSal1
Summary: The Nations play a friendly game of Risk. Kinda. You know, if you ignore America's Manifest Destiny, Germany's European Domination, England's need to own America, and Canada's ability to stay invisible over there in Australia. Features France and Prussia.


**Note: America is red, Prussia is gray, France is blue, England is green, Canada is yellow, and Germany is black. And they're kinda obviously playing a game of Risk, y'know? **

**XXX**

"America, you need to put more foot-soldiers in Alaska," England suggested, leaning over his ex-colony. America just frowned, running a hand through his messy hair. (Windstorm in the Great Plains, indeed.) When his silence persisted, England repeated himself. "America, fortify Alaska. Germany is getting that 'Global Domination' look about him."

"Shut up, old man," America grumbled, slowly counting the soldiers he had left. Though none would say it, every nation was wondering why it took America that long to do simple math. Had they asked, they probably wouldn't have gotten a good answer, anyways.

"I will not be silenced! You will do as I say, America, or else Germany will invade you from Kamchatka!"

More silence. Germany silently sized up his competition, trying not to pay mind to the shouts of "Ow ow ow ow! Doitsu! Help! My hair curl! No, wait, that isn't my hair curl! DOIIIIIIITSUUUUUU!" that could be heard in the background. It didn't work all that well, and he glared pointedly to America and England, who were still arguing. Though glaring worked off some of the aggression, it did little for his pasta-eating headache in the distance.

"Can it, dude," America said with a smirk, finally acknowledging England. "You _already_ lost all your troops to Germany."

"He… he was going off on his whole 'Conquering Europe' tirade! It wasn't my fault, he's just so pushy!" It was a weak defense, but it was all England really had.

America wasn't as kind. "Ha! Hate to break it to ya, but you're grasping at straws. Need I remind you how many troops you totally wasted trying to take Greenland from me?" At this, he smirked down at Greenland, which was completely covered in red foot-soldiers. It was the only thing that was currently keeping Germany—who had all of Europe, along with Asia—from attacking him with his troops on Iceland. Alaska, however, had relatively few armies in comparison.

"It doesn't mean I'm wrong, though," England retorted, obviously offended. "Germany tried to conquer Europe _twice_. He'll stop at nothing during a bloody game, you dolt. Do you want to lose?"

"I'm the hero!" America yelled out, slamming down an army of eight onto Alaska, then put seven onto Ontario. "I never lose!"

"Ontario is landlocked, you dolt. It's absolutely worthless to put so many troops on there," England grumbled, crossing his arms. He leaned back against the wall and glared offhandedly at his ex-colony, knowing full well that it wouldn't do anyone any good (but he did it anyways).

If they listened carefully, they thought they could hear a faint, "Stop putting your troops on Ontario, America. That's my land." But since no one could see where the voice came from (though they suddenly noticed a stockpiling of yellow on top of Australia, but almost immediately forgot about it), they ignored it and moved on with their game.

"I think you should more troops onto Brazil, because Brazil is awesome!" Prussia suddenly shouted, slamming his fist down onto the table. It rattled the game board and England almost took his head clean off. Prussia rubbed the lump on his head with a pout and turned to Germany for assistance.

"England, leave my bruder alone," Germany said offhandedly, sighing. He didn't once take his eyes off the game board, obviously still strategizing his next move.

"See? Thank you, bruder, that's very kind of—"

"He's still too torn up about not being a country anymore, so why would you mock him for losing all his men in a game, too?" Germany finished, going back to counting his troops. He placed a cannon and a horse onto Kamchatka, and handed the white dice to America. "Kamchatka to Alaska."

America pouted, taking the white dice and refused to look England in the eye. His ears, however, worked perfectly fine.

"Told you so," the older nation said triumphantly.

"Save it. You already lost, so I'm still way awesomer than you!" And with that, he rolled. The first dice rolled to a five, but the second one bounced off the table. The dice clattered to the floor, and Prussia was quick to say, "Still counts!" so the nations waited for the dice to stop rolling.

It landed with the six on top. America sighed in relief, and smirked at Germany, who rolled and got a five, two and three. Germany just frowned and took two of his men off of Kamchatka.

After close to fifteen rounds (yes, they did have that many people on Kamchatka and Alaska, and yes, America was that lucky), Germany finally admitted defeat.

"I… I will retreat," he grumbled, drawing his card. America grinned.

"I frickin' owned you, dude. Just admit it, I'm just way more luckier than you." He looked back to the set of three horses in his card deck, and laid it down on the table. "That'll be, like… uh… twenty foot-soldiers, dude. I'm so totally going to own you all!"

"Your grammar is atrocious," England muttered, refusing to acknowledge America's seemingly infinite good luck.

No one noticed that that kid (what's his name) in the background had already had his turn, and America just shrugged and placed his men, this time putting far more troops in Alaska, then putting a few in Brazil.

"Why do you want both North and South America, anyways?" England asked, crossing his arms. "If you ask me, I think you're just being gree—"

"I didn't ask you," America said, smiling brightly. He handed the white dice to Germany.

"He believes in Manifest Destiny," Germany said, jumping at a sudden crash from the other room. If one listened closely, they could hear a faint, "Doooiiiiiiittttttssssssuuuuuu! Help meeeeeee!". But no one listened closely, and Germany had long since gotten immune to Italy's incessant need to be saved. "…America, it's still your turn. What are you going to do?"

"I'm totally taking Kamchatka, man," America said, handing Germany the white dice. Germany glared, but accepted, sighing in defeat. It took less than ten seconds for America to win, jump up and down (England somehow managed to keep him from jumping onto the table), and move most of his Alaskan troops to Kamchatka. He drew his card and traded dice with Germany, still smiling brightly.

Germany grumbled something about not having enough troops to take on Brazil—much to America's delight and England's annoyance—and placed the troops that he could still get (after losing Kamchatka) all over Europe. Unable to do anything else, he passed the red dice to that kid (what's his name again? It started with a C, right?) sitting next to him.

"Thank you," the figure whispered, his voice nearly inaudible. "I'd like to challenge Germany. The Philippines to Siam, please?"

And both Germany and America blinked at that. There were at least two dozen cannons crammed into the Philippines, most of which still couldn't fit, and any number of horses and foot-soldiers surrounded the cannons.

Needless to say, Germany lost that battle. And all of Asia and Africa and Europe. Before Germany knew it, there was no more black on the board, though there was a startling amount of yellow.

"D-Dude, Canadia, don't do this to me, man!" America whined, hands shaking as he accepted the white dice from Germany. Canada was making his move onto Brazil, with at least a dozen cannons remaining, along with several horses and a few foot-soldiers. "We're bros, right? Right?"

"You shouldn't have put so many troops on Ontario, America. That's my land," Canada said darkly, rolling the red dice. He got three sixes. America gulped and rolled his own. …A three was the best he could do, with a one right beside it.

England, Prussia and Germany exchanged a look. They'd never let Canada play Risk ever, ever again. Especially not with America.

OMAKE:

"Hey, where's France?" America asked, suddenly aware of the lack of groping within the general vicinity.

"He quit quite some time ago," England said, shrugging. As far as he was concerned, the lack of French behavior was all he wanted and more.

Germany suddenly looked up, though, and the cries of "NOOO! HELP, DOITSU! MY HAIRCURL! WAIT, THAT'S… THAT'S NOT MY HAIRCURL! DOOIIIITTTTSSUUUU!" made quite a bit more sense. Germany bolted out of the room, leaving a very confused American, Englishman, Canadian, and Prussian in his wake.

"…So. This game is awesome, like me. Anyone want to play again?" Prussia asked, glancing towards the game board that was absolutely covered in yellow. Canada smirked and started to nod, but for once, America and England could agree on something.

"NO."


End file.
